Walmart 4am Chain Status for Facebook

This one is pretty funny! Remember to tag your friends use the @ sign and then start to type their name, no space in between!

You're all in Wal-Mart, at 4am. Use the people on the side of your profile in order. NO CHEATING!!!

Riding the electronic horse:
Trying on bras in the aisle:
Eating food out of the boxes:
Mad at the slow cashier:
Getting arrested for stealing carts:
Racing carts in the aisles:
Bowling with household items:
Doing donuts in the parking lot:
Taking photo's to unload on People of Walmart.com:

Drink Up The Facebook Fun!

Today's Top News

We'll be seeing one more game of The World Series after the Texas Rangers lose game six.

As most of you know I am in Texas so most of my friends are in Texas or are from Texas and the whole page is full of Texas Rangers posts.  The World Series ups and downs played out right there on the wall.  Who needs to go to the bar to feel like your watching the game with friends?


Today's Top Status


"OTB!!!!! Occupy The Bar !!! Much more fun and probably more constructive;-)))" - I couldn't have said it better myself!

Today's Top Picture

Here's a great set of Halloween Costumes!

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Halloween Horror Movie Facebook Chain Status

HALLOWEEN is quickly approaching.... You're IN A HORROR MOVIE (first 9 people to the left on your profile)

1.Decides the creepy house is safe:
2.Screams like a baby:
3. Scares you as a joke:
4. The first to go missing:
5. The first to go insane:
6. Murdered saving you:

7. Survives by faking dead:
8.Has a solid survival plan no one listens to:
9. Is really the killer:


When tagging people use the @ symbol then start to type their name with no space.

Have fun!

Money Bags Chain Status on Facebook

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE !!~~This year October has 5 Mondays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This Happens once every 823years. This is called money bags. So copy this to your status and money will arrive within 4days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui. The one who does not copy, will be without money. Copy within 11 mins of reading. Can't hurt so I did it :) I could use some money.

I wonder if anyone checked snoops on this one? 

Canned, Frozen or Fresh

Today's Top News

Wow wee!  You know it's a big thing if Hallmark makes a card for it and now...  TA DAAAAA!  They have a "Sorry you lost your job" line of cards!  We're talking 14 million plus Americans out of a job... That's not a bad sized market, you know a couple of friends each buying a card for dear laid off/fired person.  Heck, if things keep going like the do, I'm investing my money in Hallmark!

If you'd like to read more about it click here!

Today's Great Joke

2 women in heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Debi. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Connie. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early... to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.......

Today's Top Picture

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Play Road Trip on Facebook - Chain Status Fun

I thought this one was fun so I had to share...

*hint - If you aren't a Facebook addict such as myself when putting in your friends names use the @ symbol with no space start typing their name and this will make it a tag. 

ROAD TRIP...
Go to your profile and choose your friends from top down, in order....no cheating!!

The driver:
Always has to go to the bathroom:
First to fall asleep:
Can’t stop talking:
Moves around a lot:
The back seat driver:
Rides shotgun:
Gets car sick:

Special Edition: State of The U.S. Economy

Found this one, this morning on Facebook and had to share!

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally....

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, all the wars, no jobs for 1/10th of the nation, my savings, Social Security, my 401K AND retirement funds, etc.;

I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

What did you learn on Facebook today?

It's All About Paws....

Today's Top News

"Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for the GOP presidential nomination on Sunday, hours after finishing a disappointing third in the Iowa straw poll."  - The Blaze

Tim Who?  I actually know who he is but I can't blame him for dropping out because Snuggie™ actually has more Facebook fans than Tim Pawlenty does.

Today's Top Quote

"If you look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat!" ~ Anonymous :)

Today's Top Video

I'm not usually big on the videos but I had to share this one.



What did you learn on Facebook today?

It's Cold, It's Icy and It's Too Darn Hot

Today's Top News


Obama lost 40,000 twitter followers when he took to urging people to call their congressmen.  I just hope he doesn't accidentally post any hunky shirtless gym pictures or ones of him in a tiger suit, while he is tweeting away.  I'd admit that, that would be entertaining but then I'd have to listen to all my lefty friends talk about how hot that is.

Today's Chain Status

WARNING!!! Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Coke and ice will ruin your teeth.Apparently ice is lethal!!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice!! Copy & paste this immediately, it can save a life!!

Today's Best Picture

What did you learn on Facebook today?

A Sign of The Times

Today's Top News

Budget talks blah, blah, blah.  On the lighter side, I found this story posted on Facebook about one of those DOT road signs.  Apparently Sony isn't the only place being hacked lately.  Someone hacked an illuminated highway sign on a North Carolina highway and had it display the phrase "Impeach Obama".  The problem has been corrected... well the sign anyway.  Click here to read the whole story.

 
Today's Top Quote

"Just because the past taps you on the shoulder, doesn't mean you have to look back."

 Today's Farm Report

I've reported on lots of Farmville activity in the past but today it dawned on me that I haven't had any of my friends posting farm pictures or begging for farm gifts.  I guess the great depression and the dust bowl hit so, people are leaving behind the farm in search of work at factories.  If they can't get a job at the factory, they can at least sell their goods to the UAW Chrysler Workers. 

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Twisted Titties, Sick Salaries and Guru Graffiti

Today's Top News

Talk about getting twisted!  The TSA have been feeling up people, from the old to the youngsters and everyone in-between.  It's all good and legal but when the tables are turned and you grab a breast of a TSA agent with both hands and give it a twist, you're in for felony sexual assault charges! Read more about this twisted crime here.

Today's Top Chain Status

Salary of the US President - $400,000. Salary of retired US Presidents - $180,000.
Salary of House/Senate - $174,000. Salary of Speaker of House - $223,500.
Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders - $193,400....Average US Salary -$33,000 to $77,000. AVERAGE US MILITARY SALARY... only $19,000 TO $22,000 !!
HELLO! I think we found where the cuts should be made! Repost if you agree!

Today's Top Picture 

The Marriage Terminator!

Today's Top News

Oh Arnold!

Today I learned how Arnold Schwarzenegger terminated his marriage with Maria Shriver.  It seems that The Gov had some love with a household staff member and I'm assuming it was a woman because they had a child.  If you want to read more about the whole sorted affair, click here!


Today's Top Status

Turn off the drama and live the dream.  This seemed like some great advice but if people really took it I wouldn't have anything to blog about now would I. :)

Today's Top Joke

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had a really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Love Pats Coming to a Mall Near You?

Today's Top News

I learned today that the counter terrorism guys are saying that we are possibly going to get our butt kicked for us offing Osama. They think they will target places like the malls and stuff like that, they called them soft targets. I had several thoughts on this.

1. If something happens this would not be good for Obama's poll numbers especially after he was all peacockin' it up, saying he gave the order to kill Osama.

2. If the government puts a bunch of guards with like M-16's in the malls and they are doing the whole TSA thing just so you can go in and buy some shizit, sales are going to hit rock bottom.

3. If a mall does get attacked, online retailers are going to bonus, however, this would not be a good thing for the jobs numbers. Our country would begin to look like a military state. Would that make us land of the watched and home of the felt up?

4. The government would have to create a new agency to watch the malls etc. and feel people up at the door so, let me be the first to propose, U.P.R.A.S.S. - United Patrol Regiment Association of Shopping Security.  

5. Note to Uncle Sam if you are so flippin' worried about our malls why don't you start watching our borders! And I'm not talking about the book stores!


To read about what the counter terrorism "experts" are saying click here.


Today's Top Picture

Here's a lmao picture of Osama Bin Laden's Facebook status. :)

Today's Top Quote

Don't let failure go to your heart, and don't let success go to your head." Will Smith

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Imam vs. Obama, Cupcakes and Other Good Stuff

Today's Top News

So I guess there is some guy called, imam (I think that is "Emom" I don't think it's like ipod) and this guy is super pissed that we killed Osama and he wants revenge! He said, "The western dogs are rejoicing after killing one of our Islamic lions. From Al-Aqsa Mosque, where the future caliphate will originate with the help of God, we say to them – the dogs will not rejoice too much for killing the lions. The dogs will remain dogs and the lion, even if he is dead, will remain a lion."

He went on to talk some more stuff about hanging Obama and Bush Junior. For the full twisted story click here.

Today's Show Off

Ok you know all of you have at least one friend on Facebook that has to be all perfect.  I have lots of them.  Sadly, I know most of them really well so they aren't foolin' me any.  I like how they are all trying to out do themselves though for Teacher Appreciation Week at school.  They are just busy, busy, busy whippin' up cookies and cupcakes!  I, on the other hand, like to give gift cards, they are calorie free and don't make a mess in my kitchen. :)

Today's Great Quote

With all the twisted news about the crazy people wanting to destroy the "Western Dogs" I thought we needed something a bit uplifting, more on the happy side.

Everyday may not be a good day - But there is something good in everyday!  Go find the good.

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Osama, Obama and Food Pictures - Which One Doesn't Belong?

Today's Top News

Osama Bin Laden was spotted today having lunch with Elvis. Ok not really but sadly unlike last night there weren't anymore good Bin Laden jokes today.  It does appear though now the conspiracy theories are abound.  There are some pretty convincing ones on Facebook but the best one was from a hardcore Republican talking about how they are just trying to prop up Obama's image.  While he is twisted up at the moment Obama is going to have to do better than that.  Because nobody is going to give an Osama's behind when they have to fill up their car on Friday.

For the best "real" conspiracy theories check out InfoWars. 

Today's Chain Status

REPOSTED!!!!~ Let's be clear on this: OBAMA did NOT kill Bin Laden. An American soldier, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found OBL and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!! PLZ REPOST IF YOU AGREE!!!.

Today's Picture

I don't know about your friends but a lot of mine (that don't even know each other!) like to take pictures of their food and upload it to their page.  I don't get this.  Why? Are you proving you have food, are you trying to make people jealous? Are you thankful? What is this about!? I'm even friends with one guy that uploads a pic of the dinner table, set with food and all, most nights and then lists the menu of the evening.

What is this trend? Please someone explain this to me!!

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Osama Bin Laden Dead!

Today's Top News

The news of Osama Bin Laden's death is blazin' across Facebook at record speed!  ABC News is the first link I had to the story. It's amazing we got him before the Grim Reaper did.  Rumors abound that he has been dead for a week. 

There are reports that people are outside the White House cheering, "USA, USA, USA!"

We've also learned via Facebook, that Donald Trump won't believe it until he sees the death certificate.

Today's Top Funny Status

I bet Bin Laden regrets allowing his iPhone app to track his current location

Today's Top Joke

A Bin Laden joke already, wow peeps on Facebook are fast.

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the pearly gates
by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and
yelled: "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and
...shouted: "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said:
"This is why I allowed our government to provide for the
common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane
and snarled: "It was evil men like you who inspired me to
write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashing continued as George Mason,
James Monroe and 64 other early Americans unleashed
their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an angel appeared.
Bin Laden wept and said: "This is not what you promised me."

The angel replied: "I told you there would be 70 Virginians waiting for
you in Heaven. What did you think I said?

What did you learn on Facebook today?  Any good Bin Laden jokes? Do share by leaving them in the comments section!

ETA: Another Bin Laden Joke

Hell is... 72 virgins and not one Viagra.

The Crazy Plane and WINNING of Course

Today's Top News

VIRGIN Blue has sacked a male flight attendant and offered an angry mother free flights after her toddler was put in an overhead locker.

Wow, what a headline! I had to click it cause I'm thinking MAN! what a story and I've got this little movie playing in my head like - did the toddler cry and cry on the trip and the flight attendant go all crazy and come grab the kid throw him into the compartment, maybe even stuff some pillows and blankets in there to muffle the shrill cries of the toddler and then go start downing those mini bottles of booze on the beverage cart while he goes off on a rant and tells the kids mother to shut up cause he doesn't want to hear anything out of her either!?

Nope, sorry but that is not at all what happened. My version is better but if you want to read the real story you can do so here.


Today's Inspiring Status

A Successful Woman Takes The Bricks That The Devil Throws At Her And Builds A Firm Foundation..Just Saying!

Had to share this! Living well is always your best revenge! 

Today's Great Video

With ol' Charlie making the rounds you know the jokes were coming!  The thing I like about Facebook is just because you don't watch a show you still hear about stuff and get to see it.  Here's a great video from Jimmy Fallon's show.

Let's Go Ride a Bike!

Today's Top News - Libyan Oil Plant on Fire!

A major Libyan oil plant was ablaze last night as fresh fighting raged across the country leaving at least 50 dead – including 30 civilians and two rebel commanders.

It is the first time Libyan oil facilities have been hit – one fear is that Colonel Gaddafi will use warplanes to destroy oilfields and terminals in rebel-held areas, mirroring the tactics used by Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein in 1991 as his troops withdrew from Kuwait. Read more here.

Feeling green yet? With gas prices on the rise you could feel that warm "let's ride a bike" kind of green or you could feel that harsh "I'm going to puke paying that much for gas" kind of green!

Today's Stupid Status

"stunned at the gas prices lately - what's up with that : /"


The fact that this person has an internet connection under the rock where they're living makes this the most stupid status.

Today's Funny Video

If the gas prices have you down here's something to really give you a laugh!