Love Pats Coming to a Mall Near You?

Today's Top News

I learned today that the counter terrorism guys are saying that we are possibly going to get our butt kicked for us offing Osama. They think they will target places like the malls and stuff like that, they called them soft targets. I had several thoughts on this.

1. If something happens this would not be good for Obama's poll numbers especially after he was all peacockin' it up, saying he gave the order to kill Osama.

2. If the government puts a bunch of guards with like M-16's in the malls and they are doing the whole TSA thing just so you can go in and buy some shizit, sales are going to hit rock bottom.

3. If a mall does get attacked, online retailers are going to bonus, however, this would not be a good thing for the jobs numbers. Our country would begin to look like a military state. Would that make us land of the watched and home of the felt up?

4. The government would have to create a new agency to watch the malls etc. and feel people up at the door so, let me be the first to propose, U.P.R.A.S.S. - United Patrol Regiment Association of Shopping Security.  

5. Note to Uncle Sam if you are so flippin' worried about our malls why don't you start watching our borders! And I'm not talking about the book stores!


To read about what the counter terrorism "experts" are saying click here.


Today's Top Picture

Here's a lmao picture of Osama Bin Laden's Facebook status. :)

Today's Top Quote

Don't let failure go to your heart, and don't let success go to your head." Will Smith

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Imam vs. Obama, Cupcakes and Other Good Stuff

Today's Top News

So I guess there is some guy called, imam (I think that is "Emom" I don't think it's like ipod) and this guy is super pissed that we killed Osama and he wants revenge! He said, "The western dogs are rejoicing after killing one of our Islamic lions. From Al-Aqsa Mosque, where the future caliphate will originate with the help of God, we say to them – the dogs will not rejoice too much for killing the lions. The dogs will remain dogs and the lion, even if he is dead, will remain a lion."

He went on to talk some more stuff about hanging Obama and Bush Junior. For the full twisted story click here.

Today's Show Off

Ok you know all of you have at least one friend on Facebook that has to be all perfect.  I have lots of them.  Sadly, I know most of them really well so they aren't foolin' me any.  I like how they are all trying to out do themselves though for Teacher Appreciation Week at school.  They are just busy, busy, busy whippin' up cookies and cupcakes!  I, on the other hand, like to give gift cards, they are calorie free and don't make a mess in my kitchen. :)

Today's Great Quote

With all the twisted news about the crazy people wanting to destroy the "Western Dogs" I thought we needed something a bit uplifting, more on the happy side.

Everyday may not be a good day - But there is something good in everyday!  Go find the good.

What did you learn on Facebook today?

Osama Bin Laden Dead!

Today's Top News

The news of Osama Bin Laden's death is blazin' across Facebook at record speed!  ABC News is the first link I had to the story. It's amazing we got him before the Grim Reaper did.  Rumors abound that he has been dead for a week. 

There are reports that people are outside the White House cheering, "USA, USA, USA!"

We've also learned via Facebook, that Donald Trump won't believe it until he sees the death certificate.

Today's Top Funny Status

I bet Bin Laden regrets allowing his iPhone app to track his current location

Today's Top Joke

A Bin Laden joke already, wow peeps on Facebook are fast.

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the pearly gates
by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and
yelled: "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and
...shouted: "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said:
"This is why I allowed our government to provide for the
common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane
and snarled: "It was evil men like you who inspired me to
write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashing continued as George Mason,
James Monroe and 64 other early Americans unleashed
their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an angel appeared.
Bin Laden wept and said: "This is not what you promised me."

The angel replied: "I told you there would be 70 Virginians waiting for
you in Heaven. What did you think I said?

What did you learn on Facebook today?  Any good Bin Laden jokes? Do share by leaving them in the comments section!

ETA: Another Bin Laden Joke

Hell is... 72 virgins and not one Viagra.